id be glad to
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
