I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
