I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
