mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
