There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Pooping to opera.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
