this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
