Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
