You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
