you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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