im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm bleeding and have questions
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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