I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
