Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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