Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
