I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
