Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
