Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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