Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
