also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
