Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
