all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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