I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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