So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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