i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
