I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
