I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
