Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
if i can run in heels then i can drive
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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