First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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