If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
