On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
