I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
