i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
