My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
