I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
