Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
