When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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