Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
