now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
