In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
