she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
