so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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