Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
