That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
