i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
