i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
