Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
