Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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