I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
