I wannas sexs uuuuu
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
