i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
