I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
