The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
