Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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