Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
A bitchslap is in order.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
