Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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