Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
